Great news!
The revolution has begun in my country,
and the people want to put my grandmama back on the throne?!
Close.
I'm having my sweet 16 party
at the pimiento garden restaurant.
So don't make any plans for next Saturday.
Great news!
The revolution has begun in my country,
and the people want to put my grandmama back on the throne?
Would you give it up?
Oh, not until my grandmama's once again wearing her crown.
You're all invited to the biggest, most extravagant
sweet 16 in the history of sweet 16s.
I'll go to yours if you come to mine.
And I'll go to yours if you come to mine.
Party! Party!
Mine's next Saturday. When's yours?
Next Saturday.
Huh?
You can't have your party that day. It's my birthday.
So move it.
Yay!
Would you stop already?
I can't move my party.
My grandma Marilyn is flying in from Oregon.
Well, I can't move my party.
Sheryl crow's flying in from...
An airport.
Look, I spent months having people organize this.
Do you know how hard it is
to get 15 elephants in Boston?
Whoa, ho, ho!
Ho ho, London, where exactly is this party
going to happen?
Here at the tipton.
Ohh...
Of course.
Where all the best elephants stay.
At least they carry their own trunks.
Ohh.
London, this isn't fair.
Your birthday was 6 months ago.
So? I can have my party whenever I want.
I seem to remember on your actual birthday,
you took a cruise around the mediterranean.
What do you call that?
Tuesday.
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
Esteban, I need to talk to you man to man.
Oh, don't tell me you want to talk
about the birdies and the beesies.
Don't worry, big guy.
I already had that talk with my dad.
Oh...
Listen, I want to get maddie
the perfect gift for her birthday.
What do you think she wants?
Well, I know she wants miss London
to change the date of her party.
I meant something that I can wrap.
Ah.
Well, what man really knows the perfect gift?
Here it is! Maddie's perfect gift!
I guess it would be that man.
What did you get her?
A tea set,
including a China cup with her name painted on it,
her favorite tea imported from India,
and a box of cinnamon sticks.
Well, how did you know she wanted all that?
Because last week, she said to us,
"for my birthday, I'd really like a China cup
"with my name painted on it,
"my favorite tea imported from India,
and a box of cinnamon sticks."
Well, what was I doing when she said that?
Staring at her,
thinking about that talk we had with dad.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man!
I have to get maddie the greatest gift in the world
for her sweet 16.
Let me have that one.
No way.
I'll buy it off of you.
Name your price.
$10,000.
Name a lower price.
Zack, I'm not going to give you
my gift for maddie.
Fine.
Then I guess I won't find maddie the perfect gift,
and she'll never love me,
and we'll never get married,
forcing me to live on your couch...
Eating your food,
not doing my laundry, year after year...
Ok, stop it already!
How about I help you buy her a great gift?
Cool.
Hey, guys. Get ready to party.
Like the invitations?
The theme is "Italian riviera."
I drew the gondolas myself.
Your gondolas look like bananas.
[Trumpet fanfare]
Hear me, hear me!
I'd like to invite you all to my sweet 16 party
this Saturday!
Gee, London, maddie already invited us to hers.
Why are there people standing in bananas?
They're gondolas.
Cute.
These 2, please.
This is your invitation?
Mm-hmm.
[Brazilian carnival music playing]
Announcer: You are cordially invited
to celebrate the magnificence that is known worldwide
as the carnival London!
[Music playing]
[Stops]
[Starts]
[Stops]
[Starts]
[Stops]
[Starts and stops]
Now there's an invitation.
Zack, Cody, of course, you'll be coming.
I mean, why wouldn't you?
Because they're going to my party.
London, will you really have a Ferris wheel?
Yep.
Zack and Cody are not gonna be taken in
by your fancy invitations, your Ferris wheel,
or your elephant rides.
Right?
Right! Right!
I'm also giving out gift bags with flat screen tvs.
That I'll be taken in by.
Well, I won't.
Get me an extra gift bag.
Ok, you can't go wrong buying jewelry.
Now, when buying diamonds,
follow the rule of the 4 cs--
cut, clarity, carat, and color.
Well, don't forget about the fifth "c."
Crime, which is the only way I'll be able to get any of this.
Well, I'm sure there's something here in your budget.
Yeah. That light bulb...
Maybe.
My good lady, can you help us?
The potty's on the main floor.
Madam, we went before we left home.
Oh! Goody for you.
How much for that little bauble?
$3,000.
I can't afford that!
There's a shock.
Well, what's the cheapest thing here?
Apparently, you.
So how's it feel to be almost 16?
Almost terrific.
I may not have rides and caviar like London,
but I've got a great place, a great band, and a great dress.
Sounds...Great.
Hey, maddie. I mean, fatty.
Liam, be polite and say hello to Ms. Martin.
Carey, this is my little booger of a brother, Liam.
Nice to meet you, Liam.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Look, I got some bad news for you.
I need braces.
How is that bad news for me?
'Cause mom and dad are payin' for 'em with your party money.
So instead of pimiento garden,
it's gonna be at the goose lodge!
Honk, honk, honk!
Ha ha ha ha!
I can see why you call him booger.
Ok, jewelry isn't the only thing maddie would like.
What about clothes?
You know, none of the sales people
are gonna take us seriously here.
Sure, they will.
We just have to act like we know what we're doing
like mature adults--
suave, sophisticated.
Aah! Naked lady!
Aah! Another naked lady!
Aah!
Uh...My brother is just practicing the heimlich maneuver.
You can never be too safe.
If I sell you a necklace cheap,
will you leave and promise to never come back?
How cheap?
The cheapest thing we have is $100.
Well, I've got 12 bucks and a bus token,
although I need the bus token to get home.
On second thought, keep your money,
and I'll just kick you out for free!
We were just gettin' to know each other!
[Brazilian carnival music playing]
Oh, Mr. moseby, I'm rehearsing my entrance.
How's this?
Aah!
Oh!
Mm!
Your entrance was wonderful,
but you need to work on the landing.
Ok, this is why we rehearse.
Now either I need a higher chandelier,
or shorter throne-bearers.
London, you'll be happy to know
that everything is in place for your party.
Did you make sure mommy and daddy are in separate rooms?
Separate wings.
So, did you change your mind about coming to my party?
No. I thought it might be nice
if I went to my own party.
Well, you're gonna miss sheryl crow singing.
Well, you're gonna miss my Uncle Seamus singing,
and when he does auld lang syne,
there's not a dry eye in the house.
We're here!
Oh, the new decorations look fabulous.
Yeah, I wouldn't miss it for anything.
But I thought you guys were coming to my party.
Um, maddie, we will be there...
Later.
We promise.
Uh, yeah. That's why we got here early.
Oh, go peddle your fish somewhere else.
Maddie! You can't blame them for wanting to come to my party.
They're my friends, too.
I hope you realize they're here for all the stuff,
not because they like you.
Is that true?
You know I'd do anything for you, London.
Mm, I'm pretty much just here for the stuff.
And I'm ok with that.
Ooh, stuff! Come on!
Fine! You guys have a great time
because all of my real friends will be at my party.
Well, all of my real friends will be at my party.
Well, then... I guess we're not friends.
[Brazilian carnival music playing]
Hey, I was too invited! Put me down! Hey!
More party crashers?
Yes, there are so many crashers,
they're actually having their own party outside.
Fine by me.
I only want my dearest and closest friends here.
London!
Oh, darling! Oh, so good to see you again!
We must catch up later.
[Kissing]
Who was that?
I have no idea.
Ah.
[Elephant trumpets]
Oh, boy, those elephants can eat.
By the way, we need new trees for the west driveway.
What?
And a new west driveway for the west driveway.
Oh!
London, when you asked me to sing at your birthday party,
I thought you meant in the main room, not in the bathroom.
I want my guests to be entertained every second.
Well, now my career is literally in the toilet.
[Triumphal music playing]
Excuse me, gentlemen?
This is a private party.
Relax, moseby! It's me!
Daddy!
Mm!
Ok.
Mr. tipton, it's a pleasure to see you again.
Well, see your security team again.
Daddy, I'm so glad you made it.
I wouldn't miss it for the world, princess.
And I brought your gift.
Open up, men.
Yay, me!
I mean, yay, daddy!
Mr. tipton, I should inform you
that your ex-wife has already arrived.
Men, form the turtle!
No, sir, you're in the east wing.
[Organ playing]
Grandma, do you think my friends are gonna show up?
Oh, of course, sweetie.
And until they do, everyone's having a great time,
even your parents.
Mrs. Fitzpatrick: I will not let my baby have crooked teeth!
I had crooked teeth, and it never held me back!
Mrs. Fitzpatrick: You haven't had a job in 5 years!
Mr. Fitzpatrick: That's because I can't stand
to be away from you!
You're right, grandma. Everyone's having a ball.
Zack!
You're here!
Yep, that's right.
And I've brought you the world's most perfect gift,
selected by Zack specially for you.
Oh, that's sweet!
Did anyone else come with you?
No.
But I'm ready to party!
Who died?
No one, but grandpa Fitz could go any second.
Well, this is kinda nice.
Oh, yeah. It's a dream come true.
This is so unfair.
I have to have my party at the goose lodge
because my brother needs braces!
Thanks a lot, you thumb-sucker!
♪ You have no friends ♪
♪ except this creepy dweeb ♪
Come over here, booger!
I'll straighten your teeth!
[Car doors closing]
Hey, did you hear that?
I bet it's the kids from school!
I'm...Guessin' they got held back?
Can I help you?
Well, we're here for our bingo night!
Oh, there's gotta be a mistake.
I booked this place for my sweet 16 party.
Well, every Saturday night
is the swingin' single seniors bingo.
Try saying that 5 times without having your teeth fall out.
[Organ playing]
Yes, daddy, I'll be right there.
London, what are you doing here?
They've already started cutting your cake!
Who blew out the candles?
I don't know.
But whoever it was, I got a picture with him.
London, your parents are wondering where you are!
I've received constant phone calls and text messages
and the odd cantaloupe heaved at my head.
You mother has quite the arm.
I just can't keep up!
My mom wants me to be with her,
but my dad wants me to be with him,
but my mom and my dad don't want to be with each other!
Moseby, what should I do?
Breathe in.
[Breathes in]
Now breathe out!
I made a schedule for you, ok?
Now, each hour, you will spend
29 minutes with your mother
and 29 minutes with your father.
What do I do with the other 2 minutes?
Have fun!
Thanks, moseby. This should help a lot.
I'm glad.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have an elephant emergency.
One of them refuses to wear the funny hat.
Ok, from 7:00 to 7:29, dance with daddy.
[Frantic music playing]
[Music winding down]
Um...
I notice sheryl crow's on a break.
Any chance I could fill in for her in the main room?
I don't care. Sing where you want.
What's the matter, London?
Isn't your party everything you expected?
I thought it was.
Just seems like everyone else is enjoying this party but me.
I don't know half the people here,
my parents have me running back and forth,
and my ice sculpture makes me look fat!
Oh, don't worry, honey.
It'll melt.
You know, sometimes you build something up so much
that the real thing can't possibly live up to expectations.
Pff pff!
I bet maddie's having a great time.
She had no expectations.
I wouldn't be so sure.
I bet she expected her best friends to be there.
[Organ playing]
I-29!
I...Hate my life.
Cheer up, maddie.
I will not cheer up.
Give me one reason why I should be cheered in any form.
Well... You got bingo.
Bingo over here, my good man!
I can take it from here.
You see, maddie? Maybe things are getting better.
Nothing can make this better.
I'm sorry you came out all the way from Portland
for this lame party.
Oh, don't be silly, honey.
I'm having a wonderful time.
I got to see you, and I've met some very nice people.
Excuse me, honey.
I want to see if that hunk has still got some game.
Ah.
Great. My Nana's hooking up at my sweet 16 party.
Open my gift.
It'll cheer you up.
I doubt it.
Unless there's 100 kids in there
having a great party,
I've hot rock bottom.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Your card is mismarked.
This isn't a bingo.
You just have a "bing."
Sorry.
No one gets in without an invitation.
I don't need an invitation.
I'm London tipton.
This is my party.
You got any I.D.?
Don't you recognize me?
Yay, me!
Oh, yes!
In that case, why don't you go wait
with all the other London tiptons trying to sneak in?
Yay, me! Yay, me!
Back of the line, yay me.
So are you having a good time?
Not really.
I always dreamed of my sweet 16
as the greatest night of my life--
with all my friends, amazing decorations, great presents.
Well, maybe you don't have all that,
but you have something else.
A roomful of people that love you
and want to help you celebrate a special day.
Except for Liam.
[Making race car noises]
Yeah, Liam's a dork.
Look, I don't fly across the country for just anybody,
but I'd do it anytime for you.
Thanks, grandma.
I love you.
And I love you.
Maddie, I got you the greatest gift in the world,
and I insist you open it right now.
This party might barely have a pulse...
Hey, is that guy breathing?
[Snorts]
Ok, good.
But this present will make everything worthwhile.
Ok.
[Gasp] Wow! It's exactly what I wanted,
right down to the cinnamon sticks.
Oh, a card.
Card?
"Dear maddie, Zack didn't buy you this.
I did. Love, Cody."
Dang.
Just like him to put an extra card on the inside.
Maddie, I'm sorry.
I wanted to get you the best present ever,
but everything was too expensive,
and they don't sell puppies to minors, so--
I love your present.
But it's not even from me.
I'm not talking about the gift.
You came to my party,
and that's the best present I could have ever gotten.
Women!
[Car doors closing
oh, more guests!
London? What are you doing here?
I got locked out of my own party.
[Gasp] I don't need any I.D., do I?
No.
I'm sorry you got locked out.
Actually, I don't care.
I wasn't having a good time.
Neither was I.
And to tell you the truth,
this guy's the life of the party.
My parents have been making my life miserable all night,
and they don't even speak.
You're lucky. I wish my parents didn't speak.
And the worst part of it is,
we didn't even get to have a miserable time together!
Well, you're here now,
and the night's still young,
even if the guests aren't.
Let's make the best of it.
Yeah. We don't need other people
and fancy stuff to have a good time.
We can have fun, just the two of us.
Totally!
[Girls screaming]
Both: Thank goodness!
Come on, everybody!
[Playing]
[Dance music playing]
Aah!
[Laughing]
[Dance music playing]
Thank you guys for coming.
We told you we'd show up.
Looks like everyone's having a great time.
Even London and her dad.
So you're not mad that I stole your present?
Nah. Not if you don't mind
that I gave your gift bag away
to that cute maid from the seventh floor.
Ha ha!
And oddly, I'm ok with that.